collagenkisses

you can find yoruself in every fold .. even the ones where youre not supposed to be. you hide and you seek and you find me every time i speak - youre in the pitches of my speech and moans; meek or bleak. i will keep you there. youre there in the cold february air links with coffee pots and starbucks i will never look at another coffee pot without hearing your voice confessing those very 3 words how they spilled like a cup filled to the brim and burnt me i see your face when i breathe in mirroring back at me holding me deep keeping me there, in this rollercoaster ride up and down, like swallowing the whole tide i could

i sit and i paint this canvas that i call my face and i cant erase the lumps, the bumps, the uneven notes. this masterpiece. hours minutes seconds consuming each stroke of the paint, tar, powder...                                                  theres so much i could sinnk a fucking battleship but i still cake and i cant fake how imperfect this perfect mess has become they waltz around flawless i sit and sink and devour the mirror wince at every crator and mountain piling high the cake putting in every inch of the fake when its still                not good enough bright blue eyes fading to a clouded grey-shone red..

you made me write love poems you made me fall into a whirlwind of loosing my breath and feeling light in my chest you made me chew down all of my finger nails and feel them crack and bleed you made me the me i hate i forgot what it felt like to knock the air out of your lungs like when youre 8 and you fall backwards off the swingset in your nanas back yard, or when you fly off your bike scraping every joint you forgot existed, or when a big dog gets too excited and sends you flying the tightening, the squeezing...the feeling of your heart lodged into your throat i am not 8 years old anymore and id rather be sent flying to the ground,

chomping, shattering, splitting.. nails. my fingernails are shards. pieces of brittle matter upon my bedsheets. they are chapter 1 of my aniexy. i cant hide from this evidence. its breaking down the wall, collecting like bones decaying in a graveyard. the shake inside my head, this shake trembling through my fingertips. it collects and snaps through like lightening, hitting swift like a thousand bullets. the panic darting side to side with my eyes. theyve faded from their usual blue to a sombre grey. the feeling of pressure pressing on my stomach. heaving all thats left of my life out and sprawled like a spectacle. the drying, c

is this how it feels? lightheaded full dizzy tight ...prescribe me tonight is this how it feels when you fall asleep contorting your body to form a pillow, just to have that illusion of his body and warmth next to you? or when you wear the sweater he left behind; put the collar over your nose and breathe in so deep you swear you could feel his breath on your neck? b r e a t h e deep. the smell of him making you weak, putting you in a trance? is this how it feels? lost, and found while spinning around and around i cant help but to feel upside down, in this vortex, in this light - without him around i feel vulnerable

you are the lit cigarette between my lips the scent lingering on my sheets the abandoned sweaters laying in between the covers so i can keep you there the vocals and melodies and pitches between my itunes the feeling after a shot of jager the first thing i think of before and after i open and close my eyes you are the burning of my chapped lips the ache in my thighs the throb inside my panties the swollen lymphnoads located down my esophagos you are shooting stars 11:11 stumbling across 4-leaf clovers finding a 20 dollar bill in a winter coat a sunday mornings dew you are a name that takes my breath away the reason my hear

theres a pitch in the vocals that send waves of smiles - loudly sprawling across my mouth. closer to a scream rather than a whisper. farther than an announcement than a reminder. theres something in that pitch that reminds me of a time, where smiles and waves were kept close under the blanket of warm summer air, where the smiles hit my face like a wave of saltwater choking me down, of a touch of a soft delicate item in sync with my breathing; the autumn leaves that circle and remind you youre never alone in this air. of a smell that holds you just like that blanket, just like that touch. so i can play it over and over again, hoping it doe

is it sad? is it strange? that i s m i l e at the sound of your name? 11:11; i can't fall asleep - unless i can feel you breathe unless i can feel your heartbeat. with you laying next to me, the world could be falling down - and all i would absorb is shock of sound. you hook me on a stream of melodic love songs, sleeping in late just so i can focus solely on your sweet face, that face that stays with me throughout the day, distracts me from work and feeling anything else but the weightless body-numbing feeling, when apart i feel like you took a chunk out of my heart and put it in your pocket... just so you had a piece of me w

theres this feeling between my throatandchest telling me you're scared to death. these empty bottles left and saved, for a rainy day to fill my senses with distress. shaking falling seeping sinking vomit. excuse me, miss... this pressure knocks me slight and swift. you're standing on my chest, and i have forgotten my last breath. tight light stop and go the evening tells me so as easy as a dance you know how and where to place your hands its like were born breathing one anothers scent, touch, taste.. ryhthmatic, inarticulate. laced fingers, breathing on key 3... 2... 1... erratic exscasy. i have danced